Disclaimer: This blog post will not cure your post election hangover, whatever flavor it may be.
October was the cruelest month. I’m pretty sure someone more famous than myself may argue April, but he never had traverse the dry, parched rockbeds of my transition from summer to fall: riots in the streets of my beloved city, the discomfort of a classroom move, the chasing of post-Matthew storm damage and renovations, all complicating the normal rigor of grading essays and writing college recs, distracting me enough to miss a race day registration. Was there some mirth and merriment in the month? The cider and bluegrass fest says “Of course”, but there were enough days of getting up an plunking myself in PJs at the kitchen table to scribble cryptic notes to my students that I began to feel like I was measuring out my life in writing critiques. I barely dared to eat a peach, let alone disturb the universe. Pair that with the punch-drunk feeling of perpetual political ads in this clusterfuck of an election, and I was starting to feel like quite the hollow man.
But there is always is hope at the passing of deadlines. As the month ended, grades submitted and recs uploaded, a brief breath of respite emerged. While there are always essays to grade and lessons to plan, the weekend before a three day week interrupted by Election Day and Veterans Day seemed an apt day to carve out time and space to have a day of no plans, to wake and let the day take me where it would.
Nic had abdicated the house early for an all-day photo workshop, so the house was serenely still as I came to consciousness, recognizing the fur-bellied husky curled up in a ball beside me. Slowly, I rolled from bed. I found a book I had been putting off–“Drumming on the Edge of Magic”, Mickey Hart’s memoir/study into ethnomusicology. I let myself get lost in the words–evolution of percussion, musings on rhythm–and a warm cup of tea for a good hour before finding my way to the red yoga mat in our library.
Well, that’s one use for it. Atticus calls it his bed, so whenever I get into my practice, he keeps a close eye on me. At times, he can be an active participant if he’s feeling frisky. But today, his stomach was playing a percussion of its own, so he was content to watch my morning practice with a leery eye.
Etymologically, yoga derives from the idea of a “joining”, “a yoking”, or “a union.” In spiritual interpretations, it is a practice of yoking the self to the divine; but in more secular, modern interpretations, it is often described as yoking the mind and the body, which gets loosely rolled in to “being mindful” or “being present.” In either the case, stilling the mind seems so much easier when you get to sleep in and read leisurely.
At least it would seem so on this morning. With the house still–one dog happily in the yard, one staring at me half asleep–I fell into an easy breath and flow, moving in gentle rhythm with the lazy Saturday morning. But as it does sometimes on the mat, the frustrations we try to forget come bubbling through the dry stones of the subconscious. Without a teacher to call poses, this upswell of past stresses hijacked the rhythm. The body followed the unloading of the mind, perfectly yoked. The move. The grading. The Red Sox loss. The recs. The election. Jesus, the election. Quick movement between poses. Right side warrior. Left side warrior. Mountain climber. Cheetah.
Up dog. Atticus is agitated by my rapid movement. He rises from his stupor. Down dog. He nudges me with his massive head, licks my face, slumps beneath me. I look down. Front paws out. Belly prostrate. Rear paws folded underneath. Perfect child pose.
He’ll do this sometimes, and often I’ll step over him and continue. But today is different. Today, I am yielding to the day, not carving it to my purposes. Today, I yield to Atticus in child’s pose. I lower myself, head beside his, arms outstretched so I can softly give him the scratches he wants so badly.
Some yoga teachers more experienced than myself in this ancient art have called child’s pose “the hardest pose,” which always befuddled me. It’s the first pose you learn, the pose of rest and yielding. But so often, we want to rush through it to get to the crazy stretches, head stands, and spine-pretzling twists. On Saturday, my head beside the bowling ball head, I found the will to stay unmoving in child’s pose, save for scratching the ears, head, and belly of a downward-lying-Rottweiler. His breath and mine yoked–a deep, rhythmically contented ujjayi. He settled down. I settled down. Entrainment. That’s what Mickey Hart called to rhythms synchronizing over time–drums, walking gait, and here breath. Slow, slow breath.
After what seemed a day floating in the ocean, I back to the down dog and flipped my canine over my canine, still resting softly on his favorite bed below. My practice flowed softly to carry me through the rest of the day.
With all the chaos that has gone on in the last month and a half of life, lying on the mat with my dog doesn’t solve much. I won’t even pretend like if we all found a Rottie with whom to share a yoga mat that the world will be a better place. What I wil say is that the morning of letting things follow their course drew me into a strange but beautiful mediatation, and somehow afterwards the the anxiety that had threatened to overwhelm receeded into the background behind the calm streams of breath washing over the dry stones.